I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
