I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
