guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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