just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
