Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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