moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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