you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We are two peas in an std pod
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
