dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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