I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
