why do cheetos always look like penises
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
