It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
