And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
