you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
