My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
