we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Gay?
German.
Pity.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
