Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
