you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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