so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
