It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Let's paint friendship bongs
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
