some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
