I don't think brook has ever known best
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
