I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my phone needs a breathalizer
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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