I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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