She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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