I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
