This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
