I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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