My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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