Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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