I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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