And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
