You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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