**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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