I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
