I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was like eating out sand paper
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
