sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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