I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
