I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
