Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
