tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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