they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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