Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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