dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
