We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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