just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
