My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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