just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
