he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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