Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
