You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
