well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
