You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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